How To Deal With A Friend Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder

Another day, another rant from your friend about class, prom, family, or peer drama. You do your best to support them through rough times and volatile mood changes. It’s hard watching someone you care about having such a tough time and you feel helpless. When you hear that your friend has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD, it is both a panic of the unknown and relief that your friend is finally going to get the professional help you could not give.

What is BPD?

According to the Centre of Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH), BPD is when an individual has difficulty regulating their emotions and impulses. They are highly sensitive to the environment around them and will react strongly to everything. It could be a simple thing like a rip on a favourite shirt or a provoking post on social media. The Psychiatric Services medical journal once published a self-account by Lynn Williams who recounted her experiences:

What might have been a trivial slight to others was for me an emotional catastrophe, and what would be a headache in emotional terms for someone else was a brain tumor for me. This reaction was spontaneous and not something I chose.

BPD can become more complicated due to other mental health problems that could accompany it such as depression and bipolar disorder.

How can I help my friend who has BPD?

When dealing with a friend who suffers from BPD, understanding how it all works, patience, and self-care are important in keeping the relationship firm. Just like Lynn, your friend could experience something emotionally painful at any moment. Make sure you are ready when your friend gets an episode. Help them work through their thoughts and emotions and encourage them to seek help from professionals and to continue on with their psychosocial treatment and medication. Supporting your friend constantly can be exhausting therefore you must learn how to expand both your mental and physical capacity.

Remember, you should never be in a position where you are the sole pillar of support in your friend’s life. Know when to take a break. There may be moments where your friend demands your attention but you could be going through something as well. Communicate with your friend by letting them address their feelings and then talk about your own situation. Remind yourself that you are not a saviour and it’s not your job to fix them. You are their friend and not their personal punching bag or the person who stands by their harmful choices.

Being friends with someone who has BPD is tough but watching someone you care about struggle through it is tougher. Keep in mind that your role is to provide verbal and physical support at crucial times and that is more than enough. If you feel that your friendly boost does not suffice, do not hesitate to contact family members or professionals to seek further help.

You can learn more about BPD on both the Centre of Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) and the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) websites.

Written by: April Apoong

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